Why do we remain in romantic relationships that leave us unhappy and unfulfilled? The answer in two new studies co-authored by a University of Toronto researcher might surprise you.
Research published in the November issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people are less likely to initiate a breakup when they believe that their romantic partners are dependent on the relationship. Participants in the studies, even people who had been close to breaking up, were motivated to remain in unsatisfying situations because they considered not only their own desires but also how much their partners wanted and needed the relationship to continue.
"People stay in relationships for the sake of their partners, even if they feel unappreciated by them," says Emily Impett, an associate professor of psychology and director of the Relationship and Well-Being (RAW) Laboratory at U of T Mississauga. She says that there are "self-focused" reasons why people choose to remain in a relationship - because of the time, resources and emotions they've invested in it, or because they don't have good alternatives - but the research shows they also make "pro-social" altruistic decisions to stay because they feel their mates are committed.
The studies, headed by Samantha Joel, a former graduate student of Impett's who is now at Western University, with additional co-authors Geoff MacDonald, a professor of psychology at U of T, and Stephanie S. Spielmann, a U of T alumna now at Wayne State University, used online questionnaires and followup interviews to track thousands of participants.
In the first study, which looked at people in romantic relationships in general, 18 per cent of participants broke up after 10 weeks, while in the second study, 29 per cent of people who'd been contemplating breakups called it quits after two months, Impett says. Across the two studies, she says that many of those who stayed did so because "they felt that a breakup would be distressing to their partners."
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