Electronics are one of the trickiest parenting topics out there. Everywhere we look, we're getting messages that screens are harmful, addictive and something to be avoided at all costs. For many parents, that can translate into just saying "no" to electronics altogether for as long as possible. That isn't my perspective and it's not how I'm raising my two boys under 10.
In my work supporting the mental health and well-being of post-secondary students, I've seen first-hand how challenging electronics use can be later in life, from excessive gaming to struggles with balance and self-regulation. It's made me think hard about the approach I take at home.
The reality is this: electronics are here to stay. My children will never know a time without video games, computers, tablets or gaming consoles. From my lens, my job isn't to prevent them from using these things it's to teach them how to use them responsibly.
A book that has helped shape my thinking is The Tech Solution: Creating Healthy Habits for Kids Growing Up in a Digital World by Dr. Shimi Kang, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist and mom of three. Kang encourages families to focus less on the number of minutes kids spend on screens and more on whether the tech they're consuming supports or hinders their development. She approaches screen use like a "tech diet," similar to how we think about healthy eating distinguishing between nourishing tech that connects, creates or cares, and "junk tech" that doesn't add value.
I've adopted three of Kang's rules that my boys must consistently demonstrate before electronics become part of their day: regulate emotions without using a device, make and maintain friendships without electronics and switch between tasks without a meltdown. These behaviours can be observed without screens present and give me a clear sense of whether they're developmentally ready for more autonomy with tech.
Once they meet those expectations, they're allowed to use their devices, but it's not a free-for-all I remain vigilant about the same three behaviours. If I notice emotional dysregulation, social withdrawal or an inability to transition between activities, electronics are paused until we're back on track.
My kids understand that a break from electronics isn't a punishment, it's a reset an opportunity to practice skills that matter not just for screen time, but for life. Importantly, I aim to make the reset time a positive experience because this is a behaviour I want them to repeat into adulthood. We reset with ski days, family movie nights, scooter rides and other activities designed for connection.
We also talk openly about what they're using electronics for, discuss the impact of social media and talk about online gaming safety. A key conversation we have often is keeping in mind that there's another person behind every avatar, and kindness matters there just as much as in person.
It's not a perfect system, but approaching electronics as an opportunity to teach self-regulation instead of something to fear has given my boys a chance to learn, fail, reset and try again with my support and guidance. My hope is that, by doing this, they will be better equipped to develop healthier, more balanced relationships with technology as they grow.
